I thought it was going to be easy. After all I have been single for such a long time, I am used to live alone. I was proud of being the woman who does not need anyone. I love reading, I like to stay in during the weekends to rest and get my energies back. “I don’t go out that much anyway”, I thought.

I trusted that it was going to be easy to stay inside my flat, safe from the outside world. “I enjoy my inner world”, I said to myself. Well, I was wrong. I miss the outside world.

“Under uncertainty, you discover who you are”, I wrote the other day to try to identify at least one thing that is positive of the current situation. I can say that I discovered another side of me or better, other sides of me: complaining, feeling negative, but at least the idea of finding someone seems really appealing right now. Not because of need mainly because I realise the important role that could play in my life.

Finding joy
How can you be happy when there are people outside suffering? Yes, but what is the solution? Getting depressed? It will not help me nor help anyone actually.

These are times where we need to show our strength. I want to find my inner joy not dependent of outside circumstances.

Doing something creative helps me not to think too much but it is difficult. I need to embrace whatever this situation is triggering in me and release it.

Nevertheless, I choose to keep looking for that joy inside myself, so that when I will find it perhaps my heart will open and a new love will enter my life.

 

© Text and artwork by Gloria Mannazzu (2020). All rights reserved.

Published on October 2, 2020. The text was written during the Covid-19 related lockdown in France on 1 May 2020.